Anyway, if they aren’t having sex from the times they are teens … then I feel sorry for them. I’m only a teen, but find that snuggling up with the right person makes me very happy and content … even if I’m not married.

My point is…
Sexual relations are DIFFICULT. It’s probably been a long time since most of you have been virgins, and you may have forgotten this, but getting past that first sexual encounter is a really difficult thing. I can also tell you from bitter experience that getting over that hump (so to speak) gets even harder as time goes by. I’m now at an age where I’m twice as old as the majority of people are when they get their cherry popped. Let’s face it… I’d be fooling myself if I let myself believe that my odds of getting laid after all this time were better than slim at best.

Incidentally, I am by no means a unique case. I have several casual friends of long-standing who are almost certainly are in the same situation. I don’t see them all that often, but I have never heard any of them mention sex (or even having a girlfriend) and I’ve known some of these guys for better than 20 years!

It would be interesting to see if a support group of the kind mentioned in the linked article would work out in North America. In my experience, there’s no lack of potential members available. On the other hand, most such people might have difficulty working up the gumption to actually brave a meeting. I am not one of them… Hell, I’d be standing in line to become a charter member!

Rather than prudish, I like to think of myself as countercultural. But… I guess I also don’t just get that linked in that fast. In fact, my big problem is not giving people enough time. I can tell you this… in the last year I’ve ended it (arguably, too) fast with a few different girls, but definitely 4 or 5 outings in, and looking back I’m pretty glad we didn’t have sex.

I guess I’m a little prudish. Or at least more conservative than my peers. Which is funny, because they pay me to be a crazy liberal!

In all seriousness:

Foobar, have you considered therapy? I don’t mean that as an insult, I mean it as honest advise. If you are 37 years old and have crippling emotional issues about engaging in personal relationships so much so it’s kept you from having a sexual encounter your entire life, you might wanna see a doctor. At the very least, what harm could it do?

BradyDale, waiting two to three months is unfair to everyone involved. It has the potential to emotionally bind you with a partner that you very well may be completely sexually incompatible with. How would you feel if you were a woman who waited for three months, fell for a guy only to find out then that he’s incapable of pleasuring you or into some weird kinky shit? I’d be pretty pissed off if it were me. Better to get that knowledge out of the way before any deep emotional connection sets in. 3rd to 5th date has been the average for everyone I’ve known, male or female, my entire adult life.

Moving on,

Chuck: yeah, what I think is weird is that you just sort of have to “do it” and soon. A buddy of mine and I always like to wait two or three months with any girl we date. This is frequently viewed as NOT OKAY by our partners. If a 2nd date goes well, you’re supposed to sleep over anymore, and I can’t tell you how many of my friends don’t even wait that long.

What I find really bizarre as that it’s the same people who are really conscious of STDs, really educated about sex and its implications, who move the FASTEST. Crazy.

Of course, the whole Japanese view does sound unhealthy in some way. There’s patience and then there is repression. We’ve moved way past repression in Urban America though. Whew.

At first take these Japanese guys’ obsession with imaginary girls seems bizarre and childish, but just now i thought about those medieval knights and the ladies they dedicated themselves to, but never expected to have physical relations with. Not that these guys are like knights, just that romantic obsession without the expectation of sex is not unprecedented.

Was that some sort of attempt at humour or sarcasm?
As a 37-year-old male virgin (haven’t hit the magic movie-number of 40), your comments have cast a dim pallor on my day.
Believe it or not, some people have difficulty managing basic communication skills that others take for granted. Relationships with the opposite sex even more difficult to handle.
And, hey, guess what? There are higher than average numbers of these people in nerd subcultures such as comics (the umbrella topic of this particular blog).

Please have some sensitivity. Sexual relations (especially lack thereof) is a serious problem for some of us.

I think the last quote from the linked article says it best:
“…those weak at love need to have love made smoother for them so they can enjoy it, get married and have children. I wonder if the media knows how much it hurts virgins and makes them feel isolated when it says that anybody at all is capable of love. We need a society kinder on virgins. We need to smile more at virgins.”

“can we hang out a little first?”

“No.”

It’s really, really crazy out here these days.

P.S. That said, 30 is sort of crazy, virginically speaking.

There’s an otaku character in the absurd and wonderful Japanese dramedy Akihabara@Deep who develops gynophobia and is terrified by all “3D” women. I thought it was complete (if amusing) fabrication. I guess not…