…cooter?

This is the gift that keeps on giving!

Edited to add….we found more! This one should be called SAVAGE LUMBAR REGION!

Opening this weekend is that other comic book-themed movie, PUNISHER: WAR ZONE. The movie stars Ray Stevenson as violent, vengeful Frank Castle. We hear it’s very, very violent and vengeful, in a kidney-ripping, kidney-chomping, chair leg-through-the-eyeball kinda way. Fun, fun. Somehow we managed to miss a screening, so here’s Tom McLean’s review at Bags and Boards:

The first thing this movie does right is cast Ray Stevenson as Frank Castle. Not only does Stevenson look and sound the part, but in the action sequences he moves with the confidence, poise and apparent skill that an ex-Marine like Castle would have. And that makes a big difference, compared to the goofy and limited fights of the previous Punisher movies. He also has the right touch in the story scenes. Castle’s never been much of a talker, but Stevenson for the first time on screen really evokes the character’s smoldering rage and seeming genius for dealing out death.

Bonus material: Here’s some footage online.

And Marvel has, cunningly, decided the way to lure in any potential comic book readers is by making a comic book entitled Punisher Saga #1 available for free online. Hm. Free gateway comics available to everyone. Online. Wish I’d thought of that.

The Beat wanted to send a shout out to longtime Beat pal Gregory Shane “Hurricane” Helms who returns to action in the WWE ring tonight on Smackdown for the first time since breaking his neck in May, 2007. Hurricane (now returning to his former ring name) has had a tough year or so, and it’s really great to see him back where he belongs. And sporting a gigantic new tattoo.

Come to think of it, as you may recall, Hurricane was formerly “The” Hurricane, the superhero-themed wrestling superstar, known for his love of Green Lantern and his superheroic lifestyle. Although the green-tressed and masked Hurricane persona has been gone for several years, isn’t it time, maybe, for one of those surprise comeback appearances, like how Mick Foley used to come out as Mankind every once in a while? We think so. Perhaps Helms will once again don the mask and everyone will “stand back.”

If you weren’t at SPX this weekend, then maybe you were parked in front of the tube watching either the baseball playoffs or the Elite XC show on CBS last night. And you could only be left asking one question after the night was over.

Who had a worse night: The Cubs or Kimbo Slice?

The heavily-favored Cubbies had the best record in the National League and were expected to perhaps end their century-long championship drought. Instead, the Dodgers, led by ex-Yankee skipper Joe Torre and former Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez, swept the Cubs and sent a whole region of the country into despair.

Meanwhile, Slice, MMA’s most notorious fighter, had his night and aura and future ended after fourteen seconds, losing to a replacement fighter with blotches of pink hair. Seth Petruzelli, a one-time participant in the Beat’s favorite TV show The Ultimate Fighter, was supposed to fight on the show’s undercard, but was vaulted into the main event after Ken Shamrock was injured the day before the fight and ruled ineligible by the commission.

The one highlight of the EXC show was the peformance of the promotion’s other star, Gina Carano (aka Crush from American Gladiators). Carano managed to make weight for this show (although not before having to strip naked behind a towel to get light enough) and dispatched her opponent, setting up a fight with Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos, who also won last night.

Of course, the big question today is whether there even will be another event on CBS. EC has been hemorrhaging money and if last night’s rating wasn’t to CBS’s liking, there will probably not be any more shows. Did Shamrock’s scratch from the lineup hurt viewership? Numbers are not in yet, but there have been arguments made today that the number could go either way. So we’ll just have to see on this one.

Oh, and if you’re a Dodgers fan today, you’re far from melancholy. You should just be getting ready to play the Phillies and hoping for a repeat of when the teams met 30 years ago in the playoffs. Is Danny Ozark still around anywhere?

Posted by Mark Coale

Sad days in the world of pro wrestling, especially if you are a fan of the Lucha Libre style.

On tonight’s 75th Anniversary CMLL show in Mexico City, Blue Panther, one of the most accomplished luchadors of the modern era, shockingly lost his mask in the main event against Villano V.

If you think comics nerds get upset when some Silver Age “B” level villain gets a costume change, you should see how Lucha loving wrestling nerds are reacting to this shocking development. Imagine if Batman was killed not by the Joker or Ra’s Al Ghul, but by The Signalman or The Cavalier?

As the Beat would likely say in this situation, “We need to go lie down.” We know there are plenty of comics folks out there who dig the Mexican wrestling (since we used to supply them with tapes back in the day), so our condolences go out to them too.

Posted by Mark Coale

That’s the only explanation, right?

Posted by Mark Coale

An interesting story up at SPORTS ILLUSTRATED’S web site. Comics were made as recruitment tools by the University of Oregon to try and land highly valued prospects and they have reprinted one in its entirety on the site.

This is the second conjunction of sports and comics thanks to SI. There was, of course, the cover of the magazine from a few weeks ago drawn by Mark Bagley and featuring Bizarro.

Posted by Mark Coale

§ Name calling. Seriously, if you don’t like what someone is doing on a comic book you should feel free to make your feelings known, but calling the editor of the book an ass or telling the writer to suck your Dockers is cretinous behavior. As mentioned before, it is now grounds for banning.

§ Uninformed speculation. Granted it is an interesting time in the comics industry, and a lot is happening. However, wild guesses and baseless speculation is a waste of time and prevents accurate information from getting out there. And trust me, none of us know what is going on behind closed doors at any comics company.

§ General shittiness. Behind every rumor is a real person. Let’s all try to remember that.

We’re not exactly sure what this is, but during World War II it would have been treason.

Apologies for the late update. We’ve had computer woes, a dog to walk, a mandatory trip to see SEX AND THE CITY (oh boy would that be a rant) etc etc etc. We’re happy to announce that the bellman at the Bonaventure saw that our luggage was broken and GAVE US (unasked) a strap to help pull it along. That’s the kind of unprompted helpfulness that it’s nice to run across.

I usually don’t do “and then I left for the airport” trip reports because, let’s face it, everyone has travel travails. Maybe I am just an old fart, but my trip thus far has been marked by breakdowns of service and civility that are annoying and, taken as a whole, alarming. Consider this an ode, then.

* To the woman at American Airlines check in who saw that my suitcase was broken and couldn’t be checked and when asked “Is there anywhere I can get a tool to fix it?” just looked like I’d asked her to clean my shoes with her tongue: Go to heck! (I saw a guy with a lanyard and he did attempt to help me, and knew what the problem was, but couldn’t fix it and advised me to go see a TSA person. In the end I fixed it all by myself, broken fingernails and all.) 

* To the brilliant planner at American Airlines who decided that all lunches and snacks would come at a charge ($2 for those pretzels you used to get free) and then sold them all while I was asleep and then had absolutely nothing to eat on the plane: Go to heck! To the stewardess who just looked at me blankly when I asked if there was any food left like I had asked for a diamond ring: go to heck! (The nice lady sitting next to me did heed my pain and give me a Quaker Oats bar from her purse. Neighbor helping neighbor, it’s all we’ve got.)

* To the revoltingly annoying girl or 20 or so behind me who tried to hold her bulldog on her lap for the whole flight and when told she had to put it away begged and whined like a 3 year old, and then yelled at her mom like she was a slave, and kept kicking my chair: you are the bleak future of America.

*To the guy in front of me who had bad gas the whole trip: please use the restroom.

* To the woman at the rental car agency who, without telling me, gave me a giant LeSabre or something at Premium rental price, when I had reserved a compact: You are a bad person. (When confronted with the Boat of Car, appalled, I asked the old Latino dude cleaning the parking lot if this was a compact and he laughed. “Once everyone wants SUV…no more!” I had to wait half an hour for a compact to come in, because apparently with gas at $4+ a gallon no one wants a gas guzzler any more.)

 * To the people at the Bonaventure who decided that my room would be the one with no room service menu or shower cap…GIVE ME A BREAK! I called two people to get me a room service menu, and they said there are none. Luckily the guy who brought up my eventual meal went and got one for me.

Maybe I am a demanding crank, but I don’t think any of my requests today were outrageous or should have been met by blank stares, hostility or deceit, I ran into an acquaintance, also here for the BEA in the lobby and he was chewing out a hotel employee because the wifi in the lobby didn’t work. Suddenly I felt one of those “Death Wish” yeah yeah, you go! moments. Someone was fighting back and I was proud!

On the plus side, I did see Keanu Reeves on the plane.

This weekend in Japan, the Yakult Swallows baseball team wore throwback jerseys in their series against the Tokyo Giants. Back then, the Swallows were called the Yakult Atoms and had an Astro Boy logo on their jerseys.

Check it out here

Just a reminder: you can find my TUF Season 7 recaps over at UGO.

EW covers the rumored Ed Norton/Marvel feud over the upcoming Hulk movie, and scoops Norton’s own statement on the donnybrook, which he refers to by the Hollywood term: “healthy process.”

“Like so many people I’ve loved the story of The Hulk since I was a kid, so it was thrilling when Marvel asked me to write and help produce an altogether new screen incarnation, as well as play Bruce Banner. I grew up reading Marvel Comics and always loved the mythic dimension and contemporary themes in the stories, and I’m proud of the script I wrote. In every phase of production, including the editing, working with Louis Leterrier has been wonderful…I’ve never had a better partner, and the collaboration with all the rest of the creative team has been terrific. Every good movie gets forged through collaboration, and different ideas among people who are all committed and respect the validity of each other’s opinions is the heart of filmmaking. Regrettably, our healthy process, which is and should be a private matter, was misrepresented publicly as a ‘dispute,’ seized on by people looking for a good story, and has been distorted to such a degree that it risks distracting from the film itself, which Marvel, Universal and I refuse to let happen. It has always been my firm conviction that films should speak for themselves and that knowing too much about how they are made diminishes the magic of watching them. All of us believe The Incredible Hulk will excite old fans and create new ones and be a huge hit…our focus has always been to deliver the Hulk that people have been waiting for and keep the worldwide love affair with the big green guy going strong.'’

So you see? Nothing to see here. Just buy a ticket already.

Via his LJ:

As known, last night I was alone, and checking out today so I could check back in with Sean Dulaney later today. Before I did this however, I plugged my laptop into the wall to do some scripting. However, the socket was loose and the moment I did? I was blown back by a shock that had me land on the bed, expletives galore.

Did Tony go into a coma and give up? Or did he get upgraded into a suite and end up at the press box at Shea Stadium? Tune in for the next SHOCKING episode of TONY IN NEW YORK.

We’ve been trying to ween ourselves off the Vinacafe Vietnamese Instant Coffee here at SBM, but the other day we were at the Korean market and spotted some hazelnut instant coffee packs and thought we would give it a whirl. The difference between the brews is startling. The Korean mix is a pleasant, milky beverage, akin to Postum or Ovaltine. But it is weak–we have to put TWO packets into a large cup to get any kind of flavor momentum. And it does not have the visceral gut punch of caffeine excitement the Vietnamese stuff packs.

We’ve tried Japanses all-in-one instant coffee packs, as well, and they are not as strong either. Does this mirror local drinking patterns? We’ve had lots of Japanese coffee sodas and canned coffees but none of them packs what we’d call “that Code Red Punch.” Vietnam is known for its good quality robustica exports, so it may just be a matter of the local beans being higher quality.

Or else the Vietnamese are just excitement junkies.

Technorati Tags: Vietnamese Instant Coffee

For those of you who enjoyed our ULTIMATE FIGHTER Season 5 recaps we’ve moved them to a more fitting venue over at UGO, where we write under the name of Hooligan. Enjoy.

(more…)

loan guaranteed

Numerous studies have reported no significant relationship between stafford loan use and health.

Actually we used Duane Reade’s “Multi Eraser” knock-off, but either way, when your light switches are clean, you are clean.

PS: Thursday is pretty anticlimactic without Lost. Sniff.

Disgruntled Marvel assistant or viral plant? U decide:

Oh, and as usual, Bendis continues to write bad fiction. Last night he claimed 10 people knew who I was already at Marvel. Well, no one came to escort me out and my key card works just fine. I’m not an idiot. I play the good soldier at work, smiles and GO TEAM attitude. But here I can say whatever I want and I will, until the day they catch me (which, the way things look here, will be a LOOOOOONG time if ever). It’s easy to cover tracks, anyone with half a brain and an internet connection can do this without anyone really getting to them. It’s so simple it’s almost pathetic! Don’t post at work and they can’t track you. I dumped my old LJ account with more personal, identifiable posts to start this new one. (I DID keep my favorite posts from the past because there are those of you out there who DO like me, and things you should know about me!) I’m not stupid enough to get caught. They never caught “Felicia” and they won’t catch me.

Kevin Melrose fills you in on the background.

UPDATE: Tom had an interesting comment which sums up my feelings entirely;

Now that Marvel and DC so greatly emphasize their books as vehicles for plot permutations — as opposed to peak experiences, say, or places to find this month’s great art — this heightens the value of that information as a kind of cultural currency, to the point where a once-novel pleasure, which probably had its greatest expression in the old Amazing Heroes Preview Specials, has become the unquestioned prize in a battle between fans and pros over what should be revealed and how. In other words, if the main selling point of your comic is a new and bold direction for Mucous Man, then anything surrendering for public consumption the details of that direction may work against sales. In contrast, if your emphasis is “another stellar effort from Claremont/Byrne” or “the latest babe drawings from Michael Turner,” plot reveals won’t devalue that experience as much.

But that ship sailed off to some summer place long ago.

What have things come to, when even the precocious and eternally cute Hello Kitty is willing to settle a grudge by stepping into the squared circle?

The presser:

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, in conjunction with Gente California and SANRIO Co., LTD., will present the first ever professional wrestling match for the Kitty World Order (KWO). On April 5, 2008, the cheerful Hello Kitty® and mischievous Kuromi® will meet inside the wrestling ring in a classic battle of The Good vs. The Bad. This match between these two beloved characters has been sanctioned by SANRIO Co., LTD. and PWG, and will be part of a live event that will feature PWG World Championship and PWG World Tag Team Championship title matches. The event takes place on Saturday, April 5, 2008 at 8:00PM at American Legion Post #308, located at 7338 Canby Ave., Reseda, CA 91335. General Admission tickets for the event are $20. Please visit http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com or http://www. gentecal. com for more information.

Posted by Mark Coale

Because The Beat is weak, a new still from MY NAME IS BRUCE. Another one here.

Technorati Tags: Bruce Campbell